washed by the water.

I am at the bottom.  My emotional level can decrease no more--at least I hope not.  Life has been absolutely insane.  I feel like everything in my life is being taken from me.  My sister/roomie is moving, my friendship with my younger sister isn't as strong as it used to be, I don't have a small group, I am about to jump into a new church, and on top of it all I had a horrible weekend.  I feel like my life is being torn.  Hurricane Sandy at this moment is destroying our beautiful beach.  As the storm is blowing around and not stopping--it feels like it is matching this exact point in my life.  When will I stop getting beaten by the storm??  God how much more can I handle??  Through all of this though I know God is good.  I know His plan is perfect and that He will only give me as much as I can take.  I had a passionate prayer time yesterday--and I am beyond thankful for that.  I just pray and hope that I will still have the joy of the Lord.  It is getting tough to not want to just sit around and sulk.  It is so much easier to do that.  I feel as if everything in my life is changing.  Change excites me, but sometimes I feel as if there is never ending change that needs to take place.  Can I ever just get to a place where I can smile and say--this is it.  I guess that chance will come along one day...and it will be in heaven.  Strangest thing happened last night.  I was talking to my best friend and she told me some verses that had been on her heart for me.  Ezekiel 36:25-29.  What makes that strange is that like a month ago I wrote Ezekiel 36:26 on my mirror.

²⁵ “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. ²⁶ And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.^[a] 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

²⁸ “And you will live in Israel, the land I gave your ancestors long ago. You will be my people, and I will be your God. ²⁹ I will cleanse you of your filthy behavior. I will give you good crops of grain, and I will send no more famines on the land."

I guess God wants me to understand what He is doing.  The process of obtaining a new heart and spirit isn't easy..so it seems.  I just pray that everything that clutters my mind and thoughts would be taken away.  Cleanse me Lord. 

true joy.

Fall is in the air and I am in love with it!  This time of year just makes me feel so joyful.  I love walking out the door and breathing in the brisk air.  As the season is changing, so is my life.  I have been struggling with the thought of switching churches since July.  My prayer was answered yesterday!! Not in the way that I thought it would happen...but when is that ever the case??  I feel at peace with this decision.  But it is still going to be very hard having to tell the people I have come to cherish at the church that I am leaving.  This ties into the life lesson I have been learning.  I care way too much about what people think of me.  Not in the way of my appearance anymore--but if I am a good enough Christian.  More so, do I look like I am living for the Lord?   I am not saying this is a shallow way...I want people to look at me and see that Jesus lives in me.  I want people to see the overflowing joy that the Lord has placed in my heart.  I want people to see that God has changed my life.  That I can be happy with little and smile through suffering because God is my savior.  I pray for ways to show the Lord's light everyday.