FRENZY.

God,

I don't know what is going on!  I feel some sense of urgency to pray/run.  Overall, I think the feeling is to love.  I want to love people, but now I am stuck in this coffee shop.  Stuck may not be the right word (I love this job).  I just feel like my heart is overflowing.  I can't contain my excitement for the weeks to come.  Lord please help me to live one day at a time.  Giving you my all everyday.  God shape my heart - I want it to align with your heart for this crazy messed up world.  Help me to not live for the future only - help me see what is around me now.  Excite my soul for the work that you will do.

confidence boost?

Oil changes are very monumental right? ha Well this one was.  Sitting in the waiting area and I am reading my chronological Bible.  A lady across from me asks if reading the Bible in that form helps...I reply yes!  Along with a few other comments.  As I am talking I can feel my face turn a little red.  Why does that happen?  I am not embarrassed of Jesus.  Is it because I know that this could be an opening for the sharing of the gospel?  Is that what is frightening me?  Is it because I know that I can never explain how much God has changed my life?  The fact that a few other people are listening to our conversation in the room?  Obviously, the fact that my face turns red means that this is not just some topic that means nothing to me.  I want to be bold for the Lord.  I want to talk about Him with confidence.

again and again.

It seems as if life is starting to turn around a little.  Sometimes I wonder if we consider happiness to be when things are going the way we want them to.  The things happening in my life lately have been so unpredictable.  Just because everything is not perfect doesn't mean that I cannot smile.  I think God wants me to learn this.  I've been reading psalm 51--verses 16-17 stuck out to me "You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.  The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.  You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."  My spirit has been broken--but my faith in God is not!  God doesn't want anything but my whole heart.  It is beautiful to know that all He  wants is my heart.  God does not expect me to be perfect.  Fathers do not expect perfection from their children.  They do wish them the best--and want to see them have joy.  I guess the quest I am on is to bring God joy--and by doing that I will discover a joy that is more real than anything I have known.

Watched Blue Like Jazz again tonight!  What a cool movie that shows how Jesus is redeeming lives.  We cannot be perfect.  All we can do is love the Lord and let our hope in Him reach the lives of others.

"Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself.  It is as if they are showing you the way."

This quote is so beautiful...and very true of my life.  By joining InterVarsity this happened for me.  I saw a community of people who loved Jesus.  People who were broken and not trying to hide that fact.  People who had fears, worries, and struggles.  I saw a group of people who so deeply loved Jesus that they would tell others about Him on campus.  People who were inviting me into their lives.  Because I watched them love Jesus I was able to be invited into a personal relationship with Him.  I was able to see that He was not only working in their lives--but mine.