in the storm.

“If I don’t get on that boat, I know exactly what I am going home to — if I do [get on the boat], my future is unwritten.”
                             -Jeff Johnson (180 South).

   As I sit here today, I have no clue what this post will consist of.  I feel as if it represents my life...I'm not sure where I will end up, what tomorrow holds, or what beautiful and mysterious plan God has for me.  The unknown allows me to trust the Lord.  That was a challenge I accepted by starting the year with a social media fast.  Also, the stress of work and financial decisions has lead me to press further into His goodness, to see what really matters most in life.  I have realized that I am relationally rich.  God has blessed me with so many inspiring and loving friends.  Sometimes I feel like I do not deserve them.  And I don't...which always reminds me of the gospel and God's love.  I do not deserve the love of God or the freedom that Jesus offers me...but I have them.  What a gift.  Is there a better gift than love and freedom?
   A couple of weeks ago I had a vision from the Lord during worship.  It really spoke to the sickness and emptiness of my heart.  I feel like my heart is in a storm.  Like I am in the middle of the ocean and the waves are swelling all around me...I am scared and it is tiring.  But I am not gasping for air..I am not drowning.  My vision consisted of seeing a rope from a helicopter in the water.  And I was holding on to it.  The Lord was letting me know that I was safe.  I am holding on to Him, I am on my way out of the storm.  But as for now, I am still in the storm.  His timing will reveal when I am lifted out from the distracting and terrifying waves.  I'm honestly not sure what the lifting out of those waters will look like...but as for now, I will cling tighter to the rope.  It is all I have.  
   My extravagant love for water and the imagery it offers is a tool used in many stories of the Bible.  Its meaning of purity, new life, and power give me peace and comfort.  I can't help of think of all of these things while swimming in the ocean.  But I am also aware of the depths, waves, and storms that are experienced in water.  This seems to sum up faith for me: I know that I have new life...but I still know what it's like to be in the rough waters.  One story that comes to mind in the Bible about water is in Mark 6:45-56 (Jesus walks on water)--if you are like WOW original choice Lindsey..I have been right there with you. haha  In this story Jesus tells his disciples to get in the boat and head across the lake, while he stayed back and prayed (Introvert problems? I'm kidding.)  In verse 47 it says that "in the middle of the lake" they began to experience the test of strong wind and rain.  After this the power of Jesus was displayed when he began walking on water.  This gives me comfort because I know that Jesus even has power over nature--something that we as humans have to submit to.  So, why would Jesus wait until they were in the middle of the lake?  Or as the text reads "at about three o'clock in the morning Jesus came towards them".  While I can't tell you what Jesus was thinking in that moment--I can tell you that they had to wait in the storm for a bit.  In the storm you learn how small you are, how much you need God, and that battling the waves alone is hard work.  
   In this story I can relate to the disciples reactions.  They are first troubled by the storm and then "crying out in terror" because they think Jesus is a ghost.  After seeing Jesus feed five thousand with five loads of bread and two fish they still do not know who Jesus is.  It seems that in my life the goodness and provision of God is still forgotten most days.  But even in their insecurity and fears Jesus reminds them who he is by saying, "Don't be afraid," and, "Take courage! I am here."  This story makes me realize I still do not totally understand the gospel.  If I did, in the storms I wouldn't be terrified...I would be able to take courage in the love of Jesus.  
   This story challenges me to look at the character of Jesus.  To see that he loves those who are confused and trying to make sense of him and the love he offers.  It challenges me to seek after Jesus like the disciples...even if it means getting in a boat without an exact end destination.  Sometimes it is just the obedience of following Jesus that helps you see him more clearly.  I am saying all of this to let you know that I want to get in the boat, I want to follow Jesus into the storms, and I want to see him work on his terms.  When you get in the boat you do not know what the waters will bring, but I know who is with me. #Jesus.