It has officially been 10 months off social media! AHH. Honestly the process hasn't been heart wrenching. I cannot really believe my one year mark is almost up. Over the past week I have gotten back into one of my FAVORITE topics of all time, personalities. I love a good personality book or study. One of the most interesting personality tests and studies is the Myers Briggs. It gives in-depth info about your personality type...and fun facts like careers you may be interested in and famous people who share your same personality type haha. This year I have also done a lot of research and reading on introverts vs. extroverts. I think this may be my favorite topic EVER! haha The best book I read about introverts was Quiet by Susan Cain. Quiet is packed with scientific studies, research, and Susan's observations. She does a fabulous job of addressing the conversation of introverts vs. extroverts and how they really cannot be compared (and just shouldn't). We need a world of both introverts and extroverts for it to work well. How exciting! I know some people may think it a little weird to be so interested in personalities. But honestly, learning more about my introversion and personality type in general has brought a lot of freedom to my life. If you understand yourself in these ways then you lose some of the thoughts like, "I should have endless energy at a party like that extroverted so and so"...the list of questions I would ask myself was long. Some of my twenty seven year journey has been wanting to feel okay as, Lindsey...the introverted, organized, to-do list loving, knowledge seeker. It has taken me awhile to realize that I do not have the same personality as everyone else. In the same way I find freedom in being a daughter of God, I have found depth in that freedom by learning more about how God created me...through the details of my specific personality. Now, I know you may have some questions already... and I am going to hit a big one. In no way am I saying that I can only do what my personality allows me to do and what feels comfortable. God can call us to do things outside of our personality type and we should do them gladly! But, knowing more about my personality type has me asking bigger questions, "how can I use my strengths to strengthen and grow God's Kingdom?" By realizing that I am an introvert I can push myself to talk to strangers about Jesus or lead a Bible study, knowing that after such social events I must come home and rest to regain energy. As in many other scenarios, we hurt and confuse people by stating that everyone should be just like us, or that one personality type is the "elite" one. I think we can tell from the many people in the Bible that is very false. Many scholars think of Moses and Paul (among others) as being very introverted! Woo! God did not design cookie cutter humans, and we should be very thankful for that.
Wow, that was a much longer intro than expected haha. The reason I sat down to write is to process through a new book I am reading. It is called The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. I am about four chapters in and it is intriguing! The basic premise of it is there are four different personality tendencies, Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. You most always identify with one personality type but also lean a bit towards one of the other adjacent tendencies. Through a quick test and by reading over the personality types I am an Upholder/Obliger. I will describe that personality type to you in depth and why it has been so intriguing to me! I may get around to blogging about the other types..but for now I will not haha. The catch phrase for an Upholder is "Do what's right even when people call you uptight". Which is not only hilarious to me, but accurate. Here is a list of quotes from Gretchen's book about being an Upholder:
"For the most part, they want to do what others expect of them--and their expectations for themselves are just as important."
"More than the other three tendencies, Upholders find it fairly easy to decide to act and then to follow through; they also more easily form habits."
"Upholders readily meet outer expectations. They're self directed and have little trouble hitting deadlines, keeping appointments, meeting commitments, or managing tasks - they don't depend on supervision, oversight, reminders, or penalties to stay on track."
"If Upholders decide to do something, they do it - even when other people don't care, and sometimes, even when other people are inconvenienced." Getting off social media for a year? haha
"Upholders readily meet outer and inner rules, and they also often search for the rules beyond rules - as in ethics or morals."
"As an Upholder, I want others not merely to meet expectations but to WANT to meet them." One day before reading this chapter my husband and I had a serious conversation where I literally said, " I want you to WANT to do this..." hahaha
"Upholders can become disapproving and uneasy when others misbehave, even in minor ways."
"Upholders find it difficult to delegate because they doubt others' ability to follow through."
"Because Upholders don't need much outer accountability themselves, they're not sympathetic when others do."
"To others Upholder commitments to inner and outer expectations can seem cold and inflexible."
"Upholders/Obliger tends to every once in awhile 'snap' - failing to give themselves a needed break, which most Upholders can do, and then they explosively refuse to meet an expectation."
"Upholders get very upset when they do make mistakes or break commitments - sometimes, too upset."
"Because Upholders want to meet expectations, they may refuse to tackle a new opportunity if they're afraid they won't be able to fulfill it."
"Because Upholders easily meet outer and inner expectations, they're often perplexed when other people just can't 'do it already'."
"They put a high value on follow-through"
"They may need to be reminded that, unlike them, others aren't necessarily comforted or energized by getting things done." When I read this to my husband we both laughed out loud. This is me all the timeeeeee. And as my mom would say when I am texting her about the tasks I am trying to get my husband to complete..."poor Brooke". hahaha!
As I am typing this post I realize that it is a completely Upholder thing to do ha! I think by these highlighted quotes you get the picture of an Upholder personality. These statements do align very well with how I see and navigate my life. Funny enough, the overall stats show that 19% of people are Upholders. With such a small percentage I know we are an interesting group to interact with haha. The book goes on to talk about strengths and weaknesses of Upholders. As with every personality type, we have a downfall. And sometimes our strengths can cause those when we make them an ultimate priority. The past year I have really been trying to focus on my weaknesses. By realizing your personality type you see the areas where you are weak and can try to improve those. Some of mine do include; my wish to have control over everything...from my schedule, cleanliness of the house, and over other people. A lot of my anxiety and control comes from trying to have everything perfect. I exhaust myself by trying to finish a to-do list of twenty things in one day. While I do enjoy accomplishing tasks, I take it too far sometimes. A major stress for me is having the house just the way I like it. It became such a source of stress I had to step back and make a list of cleaning tasks I would do each day of the week....and I can ONLY do those items listed for that day. So after those tasks are completed, I have to relax haha I know this probably sounds foreign to some of you! But by realizing more about myself I am trying to work on forming good habits.
I know that learning about all of the other personality types will help me to relate and understand others well. I am beginning to see that some people will not be excited about finding a monthly cleaning list on Pinterest haha. Not only that, but printing it out and putting it on a bulletin board! haha I hope you have a little more insight on the Upholder tendency. Maybe you know a few in your life?? Gretchen Rubin, the author of this book does focus a lot on happiness. I don't know exactly how I feel about that topic. Happiness tends to focus on circumstances and what more we could be doing to improve our happiness. Whereas, Joy, focuses on a love of God. And not only a love of God but a love of ourselves in who God created us to be. And in my opinion, loving ourselves does include getting to know ourselves. God instills joy in our hearts by loving and focusing on Him. And for the Upholder in me that joy includes structuring my life to allow God to move in the ordinary daily tasks and in the challenges. A part of my joy is taking care of the many blessings God has given me. Whether that is my home, my health, or by spending personal time with God. I will never put the importance of my personality before God, but instead I will be thankful for the way He has created me.
I hope you have enjoyed this post! And I hope to write a bit more on the personality topic. If you want to take The Four Tendencies quiz the link is below :)
