painful bliss?

Seriously my brain right now...haha  So I have been doing more thinking than usual lately (crazy I know).  I have been worrying about relationships, maybe not so much worrying as analyzing.  Analyzing meaning, what is my time line going to look like??  God is not reduced to a time line.  It isn't fair for me to ask Him to make one either.  I guess being a 22 year old single gal sometimes makes it hard..especially when friends on facebook are getting engaged every 5 seconds..exaggeration, I meant 10 seconds.  Anyway, my sister sent me a letter and said the most encouraging thing.  She said the day you accepted Christ into your life you formed the most important and loving relationship.  That was like a loving/fabulous slap in the face haha  Why had I never thought of it this way before??  How could I want anything more.  The fact that I have a relationship with God is amazing.  Really, the God of the universe takes time to show me love...even in the tiniest ways.  In other news--started reading Experiencing Healing Prayer by Rick Richardson.  Pretty good so far!!  Funny how I thought this book wasn't going to apply much to my life, but  instead be a good read.  I'm in chapter 2 and I'm already realizing that I need healing.  Suffering from an eating disorder is something that is in the back of my mind A LOT.  While I have overcome the disorder I don't think I have totally overcome that fact that I had one.  That I was able to hurt myself and the body that I have been blessed with.  I also still worry about what I eat...will that ever go away?  My identity is not wrapped up in trying to be perfect (pertaining to having the perfect body).  I know that my identity is in Christ...can anything be more freeing??  But why do I still feel like I can't let go.  I never want to forget that I had an eating disorder, because after all that suffering I came out so much stronger in my faith.  Plus, God can use that awful experience to talk to others going through the same trials.  But why then do I still feel like a part of me is left back with that struggle.  I feel like some of me is missing.  A beautiful thought from the book I'm reading says this, "Healing is primarily about the transformation of the person into a truer and more whole follower, worshiper and lover of God."  Healing is not primarily about escape or relief from pain...that said, will this pain go away??  I know that I have been transformed and love God more now, but will I always remember and feel that sense of pain?