#tired.

All I can say is wow.  That is the past couple of days summed up.  Besides working a lot of hours...so much has been going on.  And now I am sitting here blogging...when I should be praying.  Why am I afraid to pray sometimes?  I know that answer.  I am afraid that God won't answer.  I know that doesn't mean he doesn't hear me--but it is easier to just not do something so it doesn't seem like you are failing if God "doesn't" answer.  Sometimes I think we don't see right away an answer.  My mind is running all over the place.  How can I focus?  Do I know which thoughts are from God?  I'm tired of running.  Why do I have such little faith?  I have numerous memories and stories of God's amazing power.  Why don't they seem as important now?  I need you Lord.  Silence my heart.  Quiet my mind.  You are so big.

take it all.

It's my sabbath! wooo.  Never thought it would get here. haha  Plans are pretty much falling apart, but I think God wants me to really rest.  I'm not supposed to be hardcore planning anyway!  It has been a weird day so far--beautiful weather though!  I went to the beach for a little while but ended up getting sand blown.  Realized that I'm not ready to finish the book on healing prayer.  Excited to choose another book to start reading!  Next I went to the gas station where the pump was messed up and exploded on me--now I smell like roses? ha  Not everyday will be perfect, but I am reminded that even in days where things suck, God is still Good.  Anyway, the past few days have been pretty good!  Looking back this week passed by so quickly.  I hope that this coming week I can devote a little more time to resting in the Lord.  I want Him to completely have my life and use me to bless others.  This has to start with not wanting to be in control of every little issue.  

Blessings this week: 

meeting with a friend from sg!

having a refreshing member attend sg

excitement about youth group

catching up with a good friend

the beautiful weather!!

meeting with victoria

I give you Lord my fear of deciding what to do about church stuff, the anxiety of feeling like I'm not doing enough, my feelings of annoyance towards people at work, and my passions.

fall days.

Fall is here!! Well, has been for the past couple of days....today is a tad muggy.  But nonetheless the season of change is among us!  It is hard to explain my fascination with fall.  I think it is the cool crisp air that makes me want to leap for joy.  The fact I can leave my windows open all the time, the way the lighting appears, leaves changing, and of course the want to snuggle with a cup of coffee.  I love how the Lord shows us His beauty in this world.  Yes, it may be full of sin...but all that is good and beautiful is a gift from the Lord.  So thankful for this season.  My heart is full of joy.  So this week has been wonderful!  Had a great time with my best friend in town--discussed how we would not hide things from each other anymore.  It feels great to know that I have a friend who is willing to be honest with me--even if it is hard/awkward.  I think that is what we all need in life.  Why should we be people who have to hide the hard stuff??  Just had a meeting about helping to start a youth group at the church I attend.  This is so exciting!  I am very nervous about leading certain things--I am always struggling with confidence in myself.  Praying for an amazing experience for the Lord to use me to bless others in ways I didn't know were possible.  Overall, I am so excited for this season.  I am excited that I get to spend it with the Lord--learning to love Him even more.

rando thoughts.

I am blessed.  I think a lot of times I overlook this factor.  This week has been busy--working 45 hours and all.  Started a new job!  At a coffee shop, dream come true?  It is weird to wake up at 5 am and drive to work when it is completely dark.  I feel lucky though.  On my way I can look to my right and see the sun begin to rise...the clouds thick with beautiful light blues and pink tints.  In that moment I know how blessed I am.  The fact that I get to look out and see the sun rise, have another day to serve the Lord in His kingdom, and know that I am loved as His daughter.  The job has gone pretty well.  I mean it has only been two days--it may just be the excitement factor?  Then I think, how am I in a customer service job again?  But I pray Lord help me show joy to all.  I pray that even in my work life God is present...I know He is.  Didn't take a sabbath this week.  Working 6 days will make this more difficult, but it will also increase my need for one.  Planning one for next week.  Now I am sitting at Muddy's with my best friend next to me.  I can't explain how lucky I am to know her.  Just listened to a Summit sermon.  J.D. mentioned the verse Ezekiel 36:25-27 "Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean.  Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols.  And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you.  I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."  This is a beautiful promise.  I look back at my journey with the Lord and can't help but smile and bubble with joy.  God has saved my life.  He has taken my disgusting sin.  He loves me.  I can't even explain the feelings this makes me have.  The fact that God cares enough about me to give me a new spirit is overwhelming.  So thankful that I have the Lord to give me a new heart.  I know that without Him I have no ability to love.  I do not have the ability to tolerate annoying people.  I do not have the ability to be filled with real joy.  Without Him I will not be able to escape the chase of earthly idols.  Thankful today for real life in Jesus. Thinking now, how can I know Jesus and not share this good news??  Lord help me to share this amazing life changing news.

Blessings this week:
starting a new job
sg--discussing prayer
excitement about starting a youth group
loving people I work with
talking with my bestie
discipleship time
realizing a false message about waiting for marriage/a husband (blog)
the excitement of fall arriving