windy days and jumbled thoughts.

   This is what happens when I have espresso at 9 pm....blogging at 1 am! What up.  This week has been full of God's goodness (and it is only Wednesday).  I can feel Him moving into more parts of my life and it is awesome.  Recently, God has been speaking to me about how I am loved as His child and daughter.  One way I am reminded of His presence and love for me is through wind.  Yes, wind.  I have felt God move through wind numerous times.  For example, two times praying outside and feeling a breeze surround me while speaking to God.  Another time praying in church and feeling a small gust...did the ac just kick on? kidding.  Not to mention the times I step outside, feel the wind, and just close my eyes--in those moments I feel incredibly close to God and so peaceful.  What is it about the wind that makes it feel like God is embracing me?
   The new Tegan and Sara album came out the other day...and yesterday I was singing my favorite song on the album.  Name of the song...How come you don't want me.  As I was shouting these lyrics something hit me.  How sad it must feel to think you are not wanted or loved by anyone.  The Lord loves you.  While singing those lyrics I could smile knowing that I will always be loved and wanted by the Lord.  How cool that the Lord is reaching my heart in the most unexpected ways.
   I have been reading the book of Ecclesiastes lately...and the line that life (without God) is meaningless and is like chasing the wind has been constantly on my mind.  It is true--chasing success, wealth, happiness, and wisdom, for your own sake will only lead to disappointment.  Chasing the wind in this context is useless...why chase something that you can't see or contain.  I feel like I am not chasing the wind anymore.  But instead, the Lord is the wind and is surrounding me.  How lovely it is to be cared for and embraced by God.  For the rest of my life the wind will continue to remind me of the Lord.  I can roll down the windows of my car and sing with the wind hitting my face knowing that God is with me.  When things feel out of control...I will pray for wind.

schooled.

I struggle.  I struggle with confidence that the Lord is going to use me.  I constantly feel like I do not contain the knowledge that people seek in a Christian.  It is in these moments that I have to open my Bible.  1 Cor. 3:6-7, "I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.  It's not important who does the planting, or who does the watering.  What's important is that God makes the seed grow."  How beautiful it is to know that I cannot screw up God's plan. haha  Because I love the Lord I want to continue to learn more about Him and His heart.  I want to approach this process with wonder, and not just the want to obtain a certain standard of knowledge.  Ephesians 2:8-9, "God saved you by his grace when you believed.  And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.  For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  God has a plan for me and I have to trust it.  I am reminded of the ways I have grown in the Lord when I look at my past...Thanks God :)  I would rather learn things about God by going on an adventure with Him instead of "cramming"...life with the Lord is not an exam.  Something else God pointed out to me this week is my ability to compare myself to other brothers and sisters in Christ.  I look at them and become jealous of their knowledge and other spiritual gifts.  I realized that I should rejoice in our differences.  It is wonderful to know that God has blessed us with different gifts and talents to fulfill His plan!  I want to smile because God has brought my brothers and sisters on an amazing journey.  It is a personal one....and I should be happy about their experiences and walk with God.  Hoping to pray and begin to really live this mindset out.