CHRISTIAN.

   My thoughts have been on complete overdrive lately.  It can be stressful...but sometimes a little refreshing.  One thing I have constantly been thinking about is my life as a Christian.  What does being a Christian really mean?  When hearing the word alone it causes many emotions in people.  A quote I have seen several times in the past few months is one by Ghandi, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  This hit me hard.  And I am a part of the reason that someone would make a comment like this.  I misrepresent Jesus every single day.  I care way too much about what people think of me, I am selfish, sometimes lazy, only cater to my schedule, and often do things without listening to God.  Jesus does and is none of those things.
   I have come to believe that the change people want to see in the world is the change they want to see in themselves.  Example: I would like to see people take the time out of their busy schedules to truly love others.  This comes back to how I would love to change that I am lazy and self obsessed with my time and schedule.  Jesus was and is the change we need for this world.  He is the only person that can enter in and bring hope to suffering sinners.  I can change nothing in myself without him, or else it would be out of selfish ambition only leaving me empty again.  This change Jesus offers does not make me perfect...but gives me new life in him.  I recognize that I am loved and complete in God and that my failures and weaknesses do not define me.  The fact that I give into my selfish wants may be annoying to outsiders looking into my life....but God's love for me never changes.  It stays the same even when I say no to the amazing things He offers to me.
   Some people hate be labeled as a Christian.  I consider it one of the biggest blessings in life.  It is so cool to be a part of God's mission and be called His child.  It is a privilege to me, because as a broken person I have been given a new life and title that gives me authority to proclaim the beautiful name of God.  While being a Christian is amazing it is also a battle.  We are constantly bashed for being hypocrites and not like Jesus.  I will never be Jesus.  But one of the many cool things about Jesus is that he loves a mess like me.  Even though I am terrible at being a Christian I know with everything that Jesus loves me.  It is more about loving Jesus and who he is then proving to people that I am perfect.  I want to share that Jesus is perfect.  I will not stop trying to follow him and seek his love.  I think comparing this to my awful cooking skills creates a clear picture.  I am a terrible cook...but I still have to eat.  I will continuously cook disgusting things and eat them because food is essential to life.  Jesus is essential to my life even though I can't seem to get everything right.  The only thing I know is right is that he will not give up on me.  The scariest thing I can think of is people creating an opinion of Jesus based on my life.  Please do not do that.  Jesus is so beautiful and unlike anything on this earth.  I will pray to love people and show them Jesus and see him work through me in ways I do not deserve.