Tonight I am reflecting on this past year. Why? Because tomorrow I turn twenty-three. Looking back at twenty-two, it has sure been one crazy year. I've told several people this year seemed to be one of "No's". A word that most of us do not like to hear. It has been one that consisted of many days that it was hard to smile, nights where all I could do was cry, but yet one that has forced me to really figure out what I believe in...and where I find hope.
It seemed that every plan I had devised or dreamed of was just out of reach. I began to come up with back up plans...thinking they would suffice. I am so thankful that the Lord spoke to me in the moments I was trying to create those escape plans. So many things I lost control of. It seemed that left and right I was being told that I could not have the "desires" of my heart. Truth is, I don't even know the true desires of my heart. The Lord who created me does.
With all of that said, this year has lead me to a place where I am completely ecstatic. While reading the story about Elijah in 1 Kings 17:1-9, I could relate with how he was being broken down to rely on the Lord. God was teaching him the lesson of complete dependence...Elijah even had to rely on the Lord to provide his food and water, his most basic necessities. I feel like I am still being pruned to shed the things that steal my eyes from God. While this is painful and hard, it is also exciting. How wonderful it is to know the Lord loves me so much that He wants me to enjoy His presence more than anything. He is helping me to fall even more in love with Him by clearing idols in my life...and He is continuously calling me to the life of freedom He offers.
So, the journey of learning to relax and rest in the Lord has been going well. I have not made a list of goals in over three weeks! It has been nice to see God work in the everyday aspects of my life...and to enjoy the surprises He blesses me with. An example would be seeing how He has used my time in Greenville and the Outer Banks to preach the gospel to my heart. They are two locations that I never necessarily would have seen myself living...especially not loving. He took two places that I saw in my mind as extra broken, full of sin, and even gross, and showed me beauty. That is us as humans. We are broken and sinful...and God can still create a beautiful story out of us. I fell in love with Jesus in a dirty college town, and I am learning to find my hope and worth in a town where so many are hopeless. God uses dirty sinful people to glorify Him. How loving He is. From a place I never wanted to be, I can now smile and say that I am not only happy, not only blessed, but filled with the love and joy of the Lord.
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