story time.

I am twenty-four.

I am twenty-four.

   I have been repeating this to myself for about three weeks now and it is finally starting to feel normal.  I never dreamed I would be a person who let a number rule their life.  With birthdays past it was just  another number and year I was blessed to live on this earth.  But twenty-four felt like a deadline in which I had failed to meet all criteria.  While moving back to the beach is what I wanted, it was much harder than I expected.  I had moved to Chapel Hill with the intention of living in a city, finding a career, and yes, I will say it...falling in love.  My year in Chapel Hill was definitely not wasted, it helped me learn more about myself while stepping out to try new things.  I am beyond thankful for the amazing friends I met (you know who you are---thanks for the birthday surprise and for making twenty-four a little less dramatic).  In a little less than a year, only one bullet point could be marked off my mental checklist.

   So here I am.  Twenty-four, single, career-less, living with my parents, and back on the beach I so eagerly wanted to leave.  In the eyes of the world a failure, and sometimes in the mirror a disappointment.  But why do I not feel defeated?

   My hope in the story of Jesus becomes more apparent everyday.  My heart yearns for something so meaningful because I feel I have nothing to offer.  The story of Jesus reminds me that is okay to suffer, okay to cry, and okay to dream of a better life.  But the story of Jesus mostly teaches me to keep persevering even when things seem hopeless.  To keep going when your own people are spitting in your face and wanting your blood to be shed.  With twenty-four the world seems to be spitting in my face.  In its eyes what have I accomplished?  Where am I heading?  Do I have my next step mapped out?

   I am completely obsessed with stories.  I love to hear them and I love to tell them.  They help us make sense of life and connect with others.  Some of the best nights I can remember were sitting around telling stories with friends.  I love how a small detail in a persons story can connect with a detail in another's life...causing hours of conversation and story swapping to occur.  Our life stories are important.  Each of them so beautiful and unique.  I can honestly say that each persons life story is so easily intertwined in the life and story of Jesus.  Let this be an encouragement to you.

   I am deciding tonight that twenty-four will be a year of growth.  This year will not be a sob story.  I've already had an amazing summer and I know more wonderful days are around the corner.  I hope to let go of the hurt I caused myself in the past (more on that when I'm done processing it), love people well, and not let fear control my life.  And as for falling in love, I hope it is a story that is nothing but one of a kind.

   On those hard days I have to remind myself of the story I love most.  The story that is better than any I could create for myself.  The story that means more than my own.  The story of Jesus.