mixed up

Today involved a lot of mixed emotions!  I was totally stressed this morning because my house was an absolute mess from my friends staying over.  So I cleaned everything and felt a little better...still having thoughts about not liking how much I drank on my birthday.  Normally I feel awful when I do something I'm not proud of..but not so much this time.  I like that I actually waited until midnight of my birthday to drink anything--there was no way I was going to mess up my year and a half of no alcohol! haha  Tonight I watched a summit sermon and it was on how God saved us as orphans..and how we should love those who are lost or actual orphans!  For some reason this message touched me so much I was literally crying.  I have no idea what that means but I really felt God in my heart.  This lead me to pray out loud..which also involved crying.  It was painful but I felt so close to Him.  I really love Him so much and I'm begging for him to change my life.